What’s the deal with self-compassion? An article by Dr. Lisa Firestone highlights the benefits of self-compassion. She references Dr. Kirstin Neff, who pioneers research on self-compassion. In her research, Dr. Kirstin Neff has found that self-compassion is different from self-esteem and is tied to emotional resilience. How is it that this is such a foreign concept to us? Human beings tend to be more inclined to offer compassion towards others than towards themselves. Kirstin Neff’s article on The Five Myths of Self-Compassion proposes that we associate self-compassion with several other negative “self” terms: “self-pity, self-serving, self-indulgent, self-centered, just plain selfish.” Before we can start practicing self-compassion, we need to get rid of our aversion to it. Self-compassion adds to the benefits we receive when we practice mindfulness because “it goes beyond accepting our experience as it is and adds something more – embracing the experiencer (i.e., ourselves) with warmth and tenderness when our experience is painful.” Neff impresses upon us that self-compassion is not self-pity, weakness, complacency, narcissism, or selfishness. Self-compassion allows us to process our struggles and let them go. Self-compassionate people have greater strengths for coping and resiliency. Self-compassion creates a support system built internally for ourselves; it meets our struggles and emotions with acceptance and kindness. Practicing self-compassion doesn’t detract from the compassion you give others, but rather increase your ability to help them.

Where do we start? We start by accepting that loving and being compassionate to ourselves is essential. In addition to the Whittier Counseling Center blog and the resources provided earlier in this article, mindfulnessexercies.com offers a free self-compassion break worksheet.

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Learning and practicing PMR is accessible for anyone. It does not require specialized training and can be done anytime. In her article on practicing progressive muscle relaxation, Arlin Cuncic recommends checking with your doctor if you suffer from any medical conditions before attempting any time of relaxation techniques. When you decide to practice PMR, try to find a quiet and safe space. Find a position that feels comfortable for you and spend a few minutes deep breathing before you begin. If you need recommendations on breathing practices, you can refer back to my first post in our mindfulness series, Fighting Stress with Intentional Breathing. You can start with either your head or feet, but I prefer working with my feet and moving my way up the body. You should be ready to begin now and you may close your eyes if you feel comfortable.

1. Feel your feet on the ground (it is best if you are barefoot or in socks). Press them into the ground. Gradually start tensing your feet. Increasing and squeezing the tension as much as you can. Slowly start to release that tension. As you release the tension in your feet, notice the feeling of relaxation in your feet. Continue to breathe deeply.
2. We are going to focus on our lower leg now. Gradually tightening and squeezing our calves. Holding it for a few seconds when we can no longer squeeze anymore. Slowly release this tension, notice the feeling of relaxation return to your lower legs. Continue to breathe deeply.
3. We are now going to focus on our upper legs and pelvis. Slowly squeeze and increase the tension in your upper legs by pushing them together. Squeeze as much as you can and hold it for a few seconds. Gradually release the tension, continuing to breathe. Pay attention to the sensation of relaxation that is in your legs.
4. We are now going to focus on our buttocks. Slowly bring tension to your buttocks for several seconds. Gradually release this tension over several seconds, noticing the feeling of relaxation. Continue to breathe.
5. We have reached our center. Slowly increase tension in your abdomen. Hold for several seconds. Gradually release this tension and notice the feeling of relaxation. Continue to breathe.
6. Now, focus on your arms and hands. Creating fists with your hands and draw your lower arm into your upper arm, holding this position for several seconds. Gradually release the tension over several seconds. Notice the feeling of relaxation and continue to breathe deeply.
7. Finally, we will tense our facial muscles. Clenching our jaw for several seconds and then gradually releasing that tension. Move on to squeezing the muscles in your forehead and holding them for several seconds. Gradually release your forehead and notice the feeling of relaxation return to your face. Continue to breathe deeply.
8. Notice the complete feeling of overall relaxation in your body.

You may find that it would help you to have a voice guiding you through this process. BYU’s Counseling and Psychological Services has a series of relaxation recordings. Several recordings are accessible to the public. Additionally, Michigan Medicine at the University of Michigan published a list of muscle groups and how to tense them during PMR.

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Dr. B Grace Bullock wrote an article outlining how we can fight stress with intentional breathing. She tells us that it is important to remind ourselves that practicing intentional breathing is a practice; it takes time and patience. It may not feel natural at first, but keep practicing! The benefits of intentional breathing are numerous. If however, you feel uncomfortable and need to discontinue practicing, it is okay to stop and try again whenever you want.

To start, find a comfortable place to sit and relax, where you can focus on your natural breathing. Dr. B Grace Bullock suggests beginning to first observe your breath as it occurs naturally. Observe it’s natural rhythms. Where does your breath come from? Your lower stomach, upper stomach, or chest? Are your breaths naturally shallow or deep? How is this process for you?

The second step in the process according to Dr. B Grace Bullock is placing your right hand on your chest and your left hand on your belly, just below your navel. During this process, you will continue your natural breathing but observing the movements of your hands and body as you do this.

Next, breathe into your upper chest and not any deeper. Do this for several breaths and notice how you are feeling.

After you finish practicing breathing only into your upper chest, continue the breaths into your lower lungs. Breathe into your left hand resting on your belly. Do this for several breaths, continuing to take deep inhalations. How does this feel?

Now, try taking half breaths into your chest and then continue into your lungs, inflating your belly. After you breathe into your chest, pause a moment before breathing into your lower lungs. Do this for several breaths, noting how you feel throughout the process.

Finally, take full deep breaths. It might help to count as you breathe in and then breathe out. Note how you are feeling during this process. How do you feel mentally and physically?

Dr. B Grace Bullock notes that intentional breathing relieves feelings of stress and anxiety by activating your parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). This can trigger a relaxation response, lower your heart rate, and blood pressure. During your practice, you may have noticed these benefits. It is okay if you didn’t. Be patient and kind to yourself. Dr. B Grace Bullock notes that intentional breathing is not always effective for everyone. When I first starting practicing breathing, it was difficult to quiet my mind and my thoughts. What helped me was a visual representation of breathing. A flower opening, 1, 2, 3, 4; a flower closing, 1, 2, 3, 4. I practiced this when I could, and the visualization with my breathing helped me focus. Try out various methods and see what works for you. If you need more guidance, there are apps like Headspace or Calm. If you are a resident in Los Angeles County, you can get the Headspace app subscription for free right now. For more information please click here.

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What is ADHD? How can we support those we love who are diagnosed with ADHD? ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. The average age for an ADHD diagnosis is seven years old. Symptoms for ADHD typically appear between the ages of 3 and six years of age. According to 2016, National Survey of Children’s Health (NSCH), 5.4 million children has a current diagnosis of ADHD. Two out of three of those children have one or more co-occurring conditions. According to the National Comorbidity Survey Replication, 4.4% of adults in the United States have ADHD. The majority of children, adolescents, and adults diagnosed with ADHD are men.

A diagnosis of ADHD is usually followed by stigma. Like many mental health conditions, misinformation often leads to stigmatization. ADHD is a biological condition related to differences in neural connections and anatomy. Children, adolescents, and adults are not “lazier,” “less motivated,” or “less intelligent.” ADHD does directly impact executive function skills like focus, organization, and working memory. A person with ADHD can have a combined presentation of the disorder, meaning they experience both inattention and hyperactivity. A person can also predominantly have an inattentive presentation or a predominate hyperactive/impulsive presentation.

ADHD can cause impairments in a person’s executive functioning and daily living. Mental illnesses or disorders can impact a person’s intimate relationship with a partner. The National Alliance on Mental Illness provides support for family members, partners, and caregivers of people diagnosed with a mental disorder. The following are tips for maintaining a healthy relationship with those you love who have been diagnosed with a mental disorder.

“Don’t buy into stigma.” It can be helpful to separate the illness from the person we love. Above all else, it is essential to remind yourself who that person is and to not give into preconceptions and stereotypes about mental disorders. With ADHD, this may be providing your partner or loved one your patience and understanding. Joining support groups or seeking individual counseling can help this process.

“Understand confusing behavior.” Symptoms of ADHD and other mental disorders present themselves differently in each person. Some symptoms can lead to harmful behaviors that may hurt you. It can be easy to believe that those actions were intentional. For example, your partner who is diagnosed with ADHD, has difficulty with time management and is late to things consistently. These actions may seem annoying or embarrassing at times, but it is essential to remember that this is an expression of the disorder.

“Expect Decent Behavior.” As you make changes in your life to maintain a healthy relationship with a partner who is diagnosed with a mental disorder, you can also communicate your expectations to your partner. The National Alliance on Mental Illness states that two expectations to talk to your partner are that the home is a safe space, and the creation of a safety plan to ensure everyone in the household is safe. Developing good and effective communication skills during this process is essential.

“See it from their perspective.” Education about your partner or loved one’s mental disorder will help you understand specific symptoms. Education about their mental disorder may help you to put yourself in their shoes. Some disorders alter a person’s perceptions. The National Alliance on Mental Illness suggests, “Adjusting your communication style with their possible experience in mind respects them, and makes it more likely that they’ll hear and understand you.”

Fostering and maintaining a healthy relationship with someone who has a mental disorder is possible. Seeking out support, setting boundaries, educating yourself on their mental disorder, excellent communication, and putting yourself in their shoes can help maintain a healthy relationship. Ask yourself how you can support your loved one who is diagnosed with ADHD and what support you need.

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What happens to people after a traumatic event?

Trauma impacts a person’s mind and body. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can cause intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, and depression. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America finds that 7.7 million Americans have PTSD.

PTSD can be a debilitating disorder. However, it does not have to be a life sentence. Recent studies in Positive Psychology have found that following adversity and trauma, there can be posttraumatic growth (PTG). The American Psychological Association states that PTG challenges a person’s core beliefs and causes them to assess their world view differently. The theory of PTG asserts that a person can grow to become stronger and resilient in the aftermath of trauma.

Posttraumatic growth can occur in five areas: a sense of new opportunities or possibilities in life, improvement in relationships with others, improved personal strength, change in spirituality, and a greater appreciation of life.

Recent studies in this area of psychology have found that PTG usually remains stable, people who are more likely to develop PTG rate higher on scales for openness and extroversion, there may be a biological predisposition for PTG, and optimism can be a predictor for PTG.

How can a person facilitate posttraumatic growth?

A positive approach to treatment for trauma falls into four stages. The first stage is to deal with the trauma; move through, not past the trauma. One technique people can utilize when coping with trauma and PTSD symptoms is to create a narrative for that trauma. Writing in a journal can help a person frame the narrative of their trauma. This process is initially challenging, but healing will begin as time passes. It may be helpful to focus on the facts first and then work on attaching thoughts and feelings to those facts. It is essential during this process to create a comprehensive narrative of the experience.

The second stage is to feel, which involves exposure to the traumatic memory. Often traumatic memories are encoded in fragments. Creating a narrative can help piece those fragments together. It can also assist in creating a platform were feelings can emerge. Thus, creating an opportunity for the individual to process his or her emotions. The next step is reading the narrative out loud with the help of a behavioral health professional. This can help a person process the event(s). The benefit of working through this process with a behavioral health professional is to have another person work productively through the thoughts and emotional responses that arise during the process. This stage will be repeated multiple times with the intention of helping the individual create a narrative of strength and growth.

The third stage is to heal, which involves freedom of choice, finding meaning, and creating a hero archetype. Freedom of choice can help a person understand that they are not at fault for the traumatic experience(s), and they are in control of their choices and decisions going forward. Finding meaning can help foster hope and understanding. A hero archetype involves telling the story through the lens of growth; a person experiences adversity and then grows from it.

The final stage is sealing. Through this process, the traumatic memory is reconstructed and organized. A person can work through the trauma and understand the emotional responses tied to the memories. Positive trauma therapy uses the phrase “the mind as a filing cabinet.” Equating the traumatic experience to a file that is in a jumble. Stages one through three work on organizing this file; identifying the memories, feelings, sorting them, and adding to the growth the person experiences. As the last step, the person puts the file away. This process can empower the person by regaining control.

Coping with a traumatic event is an ongoing process and there is no specific time frame for recovery. Nonetheless, obtaining assistance from a professional can make a huge difference. If you are interested in obtaining more information on how to obtain professional help please contact us via email at contact@whittiercounseling.org or visit our website at whittiercounselingcenter.org .

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