Children can be very resilient. Yet when they experience trauma, such as child abuse or harmful pressures from their environment, their innocence can be deeply affected by emotional wounds. As counselors, teachers, parents, or community members, our role is not to “fix” them but to guide them back to safety, trust, and a sense of self-worth.

Childhood trauma whether from physical, emotional, sexual abuse, rejection, bullying, or discrimination can deeply affect a child’s mental health. Children internalize pain differently than adults do. They do so as shame, fear, or guilt, often believing they are to blame for whatever may have happened. As someone who has experienced childhood trauma, I can remember dealing with some of the consequences which include symptoms such as:

● Withdrawal or isolation
● Sudden anger, anxiety, or fear
● Trouble sleeping or concentrating
● Low self-esteem or self-destructive behaviors
● Difficulty trusting adults

It is important for adults to understand that these behaviors are signs of pain, not disobedience, in order to provide effective support. When these symptoms are overlooked or ignored, the impact can follow the child into adulthood and contribute to long-term mental health challenges. Below is a list of helpful tips for guiding children through traumatic experiences.

Safety

Children who have experienced trauma live in “survival mode.” It is important for caregivers to build safety before anything else and provide consistency and care.

● Keep routines consistent and predictable.
● Use calm tones, gentle body language, and patience.
● Allow them to express themselves at their own pace; their silence can be part of their healing.

Listen

When a child shares their pain, they are handing you their trust. It is important to listen without judging. You can do so by:

● Avoid interrupting or rushing their story.
● Validate their feelings
● Never make promises you can’t keep

Children don’t always need answers. Sometimes they just need to know someone truly hears them.

Educate

Many traumatized children don’t have the words for what they feel. Counseling should include education on emotional awareness for children. Below are some helpful tips for teaching kids how to deal with their emotions.

● Helping them name their emotions using adjectives.
● Using art, play therapy, or storytelling
● Teaching coping tools such as breathing exercises or grounding techniques for kids

When children can identify emotions, they regain control over them.

Collaborate

Children heal best when everyone around them is aligned in compassion so it’s important to collaborate with caregivers and support systems in their life.

● It is important to work closely with parents, guardians, and teachers to ensure consistent care
● Provide resources to families on trauma-informed parenting
● Encourage family therapy when possible to rebuild trust and attachment

Empower

Children need to rebuild a sense of power. Below listed are some helpful tips to empower children.

● Help them set small, achievable goals
● Encourage creativity and hobbies
● Give affirmations

Counseling children who have been through traumatic experiences requires patience, compassion, and consistency. As a father to a 1 year old daughter, My mission is to protect and to prevent my daughter from ever experiencing any sort of trauma. However, life is unpredictable and knowing how to cope and react in such circumstances is important to me as a parent. That is why I am an advocate of counseling services. At Whittier Counseling Center, we help parents navigate mental health issues with tools, compassion and hope. When we guide a child through trauma, we don’t just help them survive, we help them reclaim the joy of being a child again.

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The post 52 – Week Domestic Violence Prevention Classes first appeared on Whittier Counseling Center.

I am very loving, and you are lucky to have me • If you don’t listen to me, you’re just going to do it wrong • You’re cheating on me, aren’t you? • I just get angry sometimes • Men are abused just as much as women are • I just have low self-esteem • I lose control • I’m just afraid of abandonment • Only you can make me feel like this • I do it because I care about you • You’re just like my last partner

When we think of domestic violence, we may picture the stereotype of the man who openly acts aggressively toward everyone. Domestic violence is diverse. It exists across age groups, as well as between and across genders. Virtually anyone can be an abuser, but there are things one can look out for. Lundy Bancroft, a researcher, and authority figure on the topic of domestic abuse offers some alternative images to contemplate.

The Demand Man, having little sense of giving and taking, will exaggerate their contributions, punishing their partner for “not giving enough”, be that not true. Mr. Right is the ultimate authority figure on everything. Without consideration, they will speak condescendingly to their partner, and they seek to control their partner’s thinking. The Water Torturer is extremely calm. They constantly front the image of one who is level-headed, yet will employ aggressive conversational tactics, and they excessively gaslight their partner. Mr. Sensitive tends to skate by undetected. Nearly the opposite to the stereotypical, outwardly-aggressive abuser, Mr. Sensitive can be incredibly soft, gentle, and supportive when observed. They seem educated and self-aware, but at the same time, they say insensitive things and brush over hurt feelings. The “Victim” thinks life has simply been unfair and usually blames their behavior on their partner. The partner is afraid to leave, “what if they can’t take care of themselves without me.”

These are all archetypes of abusers that are often overlooked. Their tactics may seem vastly different from those we see in media, but there are truths to all persons who abuse: they are controlling, they feel entitled to their behavior, they twist things into their opposites, they disrespect their partner and feel superior, they confuse love and abuse, they strive for a relatively good public image, and feel justified in their actions. Sometimes, we may hear stories from loved ones of experiences that they intuit to be “off”. “Something just isn’t right.” It is possible they have encountered Mr. Right or perhaps a Mr. Sensitive. Maybe, we are the friend in this situation. Nonetheless, we have an obligation to ourselves and our loved ones to pay attention to that voice inside of us that something is “off”. Is their version of abuse different? Do they get insanely jealous, but are at other times completely rational? Do they succeed in getting people to take their side? Do they lose control sometimes, yet are frighteningly calculated at other times? Do they seem like they are changing, but ultimately nothing is different? Simply noticing these red flags can save a life.

The post The Many Faces of Domestic Violence first appeared on Whittier Counseling Center.

“Stigma” derives from a Greek word that in its origins referred to a kind of mark, such as a wound, burn or tattoo on the skin. This mark was used to identify criminals, slaves or traitors, who were rejected by society. Nowadays, the word is used to describe an act of discrimination against a group of people who share a common characteristic, such as a physical attribute (skin color), an immigration status (legal status in a given country) or a socioeconomic background.

Unfortunately, many people suffering from emotional distress are stigmatized time and time again. They’re mistakenly regarded as “unstable”, “weak” or “problematic” individuals.

As a therapist, I had the opportunity to work with an endless number of people who were under deeply vulnerable emotional states, and I can assure you these labels are wrong. People suffering from an emotional distress are human beings with an enormous strength and a remarkable endurance. This is the reason why I’ve come to the conclusion that emotional hardships are an indication that an individual has endured a situation for too long.

However, stigma prevents people from obtaining the help they need. Many people who could benefit from professional assistance are not getting it because of their fear to be judged and, as a consequence, they end up facing more dangerous situations, such as having suicidal thoughts.

Becoming aware of this is important. It is also important not to criticize or judge people who are suffering from an emotional condition or mental disorder. The truth is that we’re all vulnerable to developing these conditions. I can assure you that if somebody losses a loved one or lacks the basic resources for survival, there are high chances that they become so depressed or distressed that end up developing a psychological disorder.

According to a report published by the World Health Organization, around 350 million people suffer from depression across the world. This number exceeds the current population of the USA (approximately 321 million). Stigma many times exacerbates this issue. Join the effort and help us reduce stigma in mental health.

Below you will find five tips to decrease the stigma associated with mental illness.

1. Educate yourself on mental health
2. Educate others on mental health
3. Become aware of your attitudes and behavior
4. Be mindful of your words and actions
5. Support people who are undergoing a difficult situation

The post Label Jars Not People: Stop the Stigma of Mental Illness first appeared on Whittier Counseling Center.

Domestic violence is an unhealthy behavioral pattern in which a person abuses another person in order to gain control. It is an intentional and recurring behavior. The abuse can be physical, psychological, financial or of sexual nature.

Physical abuse may include throwing objects, pulling hair, pinching, burning, choking, punching, biting, kicking, scratching and pushing. Consequences may range from an injury to death.

Psychological abuse may include intimidation, destruction of belongings, removal of basic resources (such as food, clothes and health assistance), threats, humiliation, accusations, isolation, insults (mild or aggressive), negative criticism, mocking, sarcasm and non-physical punishments. This type of abuse may lead a person to develop traumas, disorders, lack of self-confidence and destructive thoughts.

Financial or economic abuse means controlling access to economic resources or activities that allow a person to generate income so as to reduce the victim’s self-sufficiency and force them to become financially dependent on the abuser. This kind of abuse is usually related to the unauthorized or illegal use of properties, money and other valuable items.

Sexual abuse refers to forcing somebody to participate in any kind of sex-related act without their consent. It can also refer to the control over sexual activity by means of violence and emotional abuse.

Any person can be a victim of domestic violence, regardless of their gender, sexual preference, race, age, religion or educational and socioeconomic background. Domestic violence can take place in heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual relationships.

According to the World Health Organization, 1 out of 3 women suffer from some kind of physical or sexual abuse. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) found that 1 out of 7 men is severely abused by his partner. In terms of gay couples, some studies have found that domestic violence takes place in 1 out of 3 relationships.

Enduring domestic violence may cause different kinds of emotions, such as anxiety, depression, confusion, guilt, shame, anger, loneliness and frustration. These emotions are a normal reaction to abuse. If the abuse is not stopped, the victim can develop physical or mental disorders.

Domestic violence does not only affect people being abused directly, but also family members, friends, colleagues and the whole community. Children exposed to domestic violence are frequently more predisposed to getting involved in abusive relationships. This creates a new generation of victims and abusers.

If you or somebody you know is suffering from domestic violence, make a toll-free call to 1 800 799-7233 or visit thehotline.org to get confidential help in your language.

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