By Luis R. Orozco, LCSW –

Conflict management is an essential process that if handled adequately can strengthen any type of relationship. It typically involves recognizing and dealing with disputes in a rational and balanced way. Below you will find a list of conflict resolution techniques that can help defuse tension in a relationship.

Talk to your partner about “time outs’ and “cool downs” periods. Let them know that there are times when it may be necessary to take a time out in order to return to the discussion.

Recognize your anger clues and cues (physical and emotional), take a time out when your anger is starting to climb.

Agree not to swear, raise your voice, threaten or use any intimidating behavior. Go somewhere, relax and think positively about yourself. Positive self-talk helps. Take a walk, jog, do deep breathing, do physical work. They cut tension. DO NOT drive, drink alcohol or take drugs.

You have the right to say what you want to say, but you cannot do it in an abusive way, using intimidation or harsh language.

In order for communication to be effective, both parties must listen to what the other person is saying, and not try to merely convince the others of your position.

Good communication requires negotiation and compromise. If somebody has to win the argument, then somebody else has to lose it. And you have lost good communication.

No single issue is as important as your overall goal of remaining non-violent and non-abusive in your relationship

Remember:

  • Anger is a signal, relax, cool down, engage in positive self-talk
  • Take a time out when feeling angry
  • You don’t need to prove yourself in this situation
  • There is no set rule that states that you always have to be strong and competent
  • It’s okay to feel unsure or confused.
  • It’s okay to be uncertain or insecure at times.
  • Most things we argue about are insignificant.
  • Recognize where your anger is coming from such as an old feeling, unfinished business, unresolved issues
  • It’s okay to make mistakes, that’s why there are erasers on pencils.
  • People are going to act the way they want, not the way you want.
  • One can only take responsibility for one’s own behavior, not for others.
  • Each individual is responsible for their own behavior