By Maia Shields, MSW –
What is ADHD? How can we support those we love who are diagnosed with ADHD? ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. The average age for an ADHD diagnosis is seven years old. Symptoms for ADHD typically appear between the ages of 3 and six years of age. According to 2016, National Survey of Children’s Health (NSCH), 5.4 million children has a current diagnosis of ADHD. Two out of three of those children have one or more co-occurring conditions. According to the National Comorbidity Survey Replication, 4.4% of adults in the United States have ADHD. The majority of children, adolescents, and adults diagnosed with ADHD are men.
A diagnosis of ADHD is usually followed by stigma. Like many mental health conditions, misinformation often leads to stigmatization. ADHD is a biological condition related to differences in neural connections and anatomy. Children, adolescents, and adults are not “lazier,” “less motivated,” or “less intelligent.” ADHD does directly impact executive function skills like focus, organization, and working memory. A person with ADHD can have a combined presentation of the disorder, meaning they experience both inattention and hyperactivity. A person can also predominantly have an inattentive presentation or a predominate hyperactive/impulsive presentation.
ADHD can cause impairments in a person’s executive functioning and daily living. Mental illnesses or disorders can impact a person’s intimate relationship with a partner. The National Alliance on Mental Illness provides support for family members, partners, and caregivers of people diagnosed with a mental disorder. The following are tips for maintaining a healthy relationship with those you love who have been diagnosed with a mental disorder.
“Don’t buy into stigma.” It can be helpful to separate the illness from the person we love. Above all else, it is essential to remind yourself who that person is and to not give into preconceptions and stereotypes about mental disorders. With ADHD, this may be providing your partner or loved one your patience and understanding. Joining support groups or seeking individual counseling can help this process.
“Understand confusing behavior.” Symptoms of ADHD and other mental disorders present themselves differently in each person. Some symptoms can lead to harmful behaviors that may hurt you. It can be easy to believe that those actions were intentional. For example, your partner who is diagnosed with ADHD, has difficulty with time management and is late to things consistently. These actions may seem annoying or embarrassing at times, but it is essential to remember that this is an expression of the disorder.
“Expect Decent Behavior.” As you make changes in your life to maintain a healthy relationship with a partner who is diagnosed with a mental disorder, you can also communicate your expectations to your partner. The National Alliance on Mental Illness states that two expectations to talk to your partner are that the home is a safe space, and the creation of a safety plan to ensure everyone in the household is safe. Developing good and effective communication skills during this process is essential.
“See it from their perspective.” Education about your partner or loved one’s mental disorder will help you understand specific symptoms. Education about their mental disorder may help you to put yourself in their shoes. Some disorders alter a person’s perceptions. The National Alliance on Mental Illness suggests, “Adjusting your communication style with their possible experience in mind respects them, and makes it more likely that they’ll hear and understand you.”
Fostering and maintaining a healthy relationship with someone who has a mental disorder is possible. Seeking out support, setting boundaries, educating yourself on their mental disorder, excellent communication, and putting yourself in their shoes can help maintain a healthy relationship. Ask yourself how you can support your loved one who is diagnosed with ADHD and what support you need.
