By Maia Shields, MSW – In our fast-paced world, we often forget to show patience and kindness to ourselves. This can happen when you dedicate your lives to others, experience stress, anxiety, and depression. In the previous two excerpts on mindfulness, I talked about intentional breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. These are two strategies we can use to combat stress and grow. As you work to incorporate mindfulness into your everyday life, take moments to acknowledge and practice self-compassion. Courtney E. Ackerman, MSc, comprised a list of several mindfulness exercises. One of the exercises which aim to produce mindfulness is called the Self Compassion Pause. The self-compassion pause worksheet can help a person foster compassion for themselves and practice mindfulness.
What’s the deal with self-compassion? An article by Dr. Lisa Firestone highlights the benefits of self-compassion. She references Dr. Kirstin Neff, who pioneers research on self-compassion. In her research, Dr. Kirstin Neff has found that self-compassion is different from self-esteem and is tied to emotional resilience. How is it that this is such a foreign concept to us? Human beings tend to be more inclined to offer compassion towards others than towards themselves. Kirstin Neff’s article on The Five Myths of Self-Compassion proposes that we associate self-compassion with several other negative “self” terms: “self-pity, self-serving, self-indulgent, self-centered, just plain selfish.” Before we can start practicing self-compassion, we need to get rid of our aversion to it. Self-compassion adds to the benefits we receive when we practice mindfulness because “it goes beyond accepting our experience as it is and adds something more – embracing the experiencer (i.e., ourselves) with warmth and tenderness when our experience is painful.” Neff impresses upon us that self-compassion is not self-pity, weakness, complacency, narcissism, or selfishness. Self-compassion allows us to process our struggles and let them go. Self-compassionate people have greater strengths for coping and resiliency. Self-compassion creates a support system built internally for ourselves; it meets our struggles and emotions with acceptance and kindness. Practicing self-compassion doesn’t detract from the compassion you give others, but rather increase your ability to help them.
Where do we start? We start by accepting that loving and being compassionate to ourselves is essential. In addition to the Whittier Counseling Center blog and the resources provided earlier in this article, mindfulnessexercies.com offers a free self-compassion break worksheet.
