By Luis R. Orozco, LCSW –
A conflict is a situation in which two or more people with opposing interests or views have a confrontation. There are different ways to address conflicts. Determining which is your style may help you gain a better understanding of yourself and may help you improve your problem-solving skills. The most common styles of addressing conflicts are the following:
Avoidance – Many people run away from conflicts to avoid emotional pain or to relieve stress derived from confronting a problem. This style may be useful to reduce anxiety or to avoid awkward situations. Nonetheless, this strategy is not always the most convenient, given that when a conflict is ignored, it continues to exist and can even worsen, causing more troubles and emotional pain.
Sacrifice – Some people resort to personal sacrifice to handle conflicts. For example, when there’s a disagreement between two individuals, one of them pushes their opinions, wishes and needs aside in order to end the conflict. This may be useful in certain situations, especially when the ego gets involved in the conflict, since sacrifice can dismantle the other person’s defense. Nonetheless, sacrifice is not always a recommended strategy because, many times, it can cause resentment and, therefore, generate passive-aggressive acts in the person who engaged in the act of sacrifice.
Pleasing – Similar to those who are willing to make sacrifices, some people try to please everybody in order to avoid problems. Unfortunately, despite their huge efforts, it’s impossible for them to please everyone and they end up making a bad impression on others, or even worse, feeling disappointed with themselves.
Aggression – This style refers to using aggression in order to solve conflicts. The aggressive behavior can be physical and/or emotional. Many people use aggression to control people or to find a solution to their problems, as a consequence, they end up hurting others and becoming abusers.
Rivalry – Some people love competing in every aspect of their lives. This is not always bad. There are contexts in which competition can be healthy, as in sports. Unfortunately, many people take competitiveness to other areas, such as interpersonal relationships (couples, friends, family members, etc.) This is inconvenient because it creates a situation where there’s only place for a winner and a loser. Thus, the atmosphere becomes more conflictive and prone to annoyances and resentment.
Compromise – When two people face a conflict, it is frequently advised to reach a compromise. For example, within a marital relationship where one of the spouses desires a more active sexual life than the other, compromising can be used as a negotiation tool so that both parts are willing to partially sacrifice their wishes with the aim of finding an agreement they can stick to. Even though many times this is the most appropriate solution, it is not necessarily the best one, since it involves a mutual sacrifice.
Collaboration – Collaboration is the best way to solve a conflict. It involves teamwork, where everyone works together to find a solution that can benefit both sides. Collaboration focuses on finding a win-win solution. When collaboration exists, goals are more achievable and relationships more enjoyable.
